Many aspects of African-American history in this country are painful and difficult to address. The manner in which we discipline our children is one of them.
You hear people joke about it all the time: “My mama would beat my ass with any and everything she could get her hands on.” This statement is often a joke/story that people tell with pride and humor. However, if we look into the history of these practices, it is quite disturbing. It was common for families to practice extreme methods of corporal punishment to keep a child in control and docile in an effort to save that child from the dangers that they may have potentially faced outside of the home. Beating “respect” into a child was thought to decrease that child’s chances of disobeying or sassing a Caucasian person, who would probably punish the child using much harsher methods than the family could ever inflict. Therefore, beating a child as a form of discipline was said to be done out of love.
As I reflect on this point, I wonder if preschool educators (particular Black preschool educators) believe that by inflicting harsher, more punitive, punishments on Black children, they are in a way “saving” them. In 2016, do we still believe that beating a child into submission at home will protect them from the dangers that may await them outside of the home? Is the Black preschool educator justified in her practices as the “why” to her “what” is to protect her students from a world that requires them to be docile, submissive and obedient? Why are these beliefs so engrained within us that we continue to practice these behaviors when we have evidence that these practices are actually counterproductive?
I had a former co-worker who referred to her style of teaching as “strict.” She wasn’t friendly with the children, she rarely smiled at the children and she often yelled and punished the children for every behavior that she deemed “inappropriate” or “disrespectful.” I once had a conversation with her because I was curious about why she became an educator and why she believed that discipline was the most important part of education in a preschool classroom. She stated, “These kids come into this classroom and school knowing nothing—only harshness. Their families yell at them, they beat them and they fill them up with all types of junk food.” She went on to say, “If I let these kids get out of line, I will lose control of my classroom, and I will not have 4-year-olds running me. They need to learn discipline now or wait until they become adults and let the cops handle them.”
I was in awe because I did notice that many of the children had difficulty responding when a teacher used a soft voice or gave them more leeway, but I found that to be the result of not being exposed to these types of interactions with adults and authority figures, so when someone approached them in a gentle respectful manner, they did not know how to handle it. Although I didn’t agree with my co-worker’s style and answer, she did get me to thinking about the idea that it takes a village to raise a child.
When children as young as 3 years old have already been exposed to spankings, yelling and profanity as a form of discipline before entering the preschool classroom, have they already been programmed to reject positive, more educative methods of discipline? Are “strict” teachers justified in their approach? Are more punitive methods of discipline the only way to reach our children? My simple answer is no. I completely reject the idea that because children have been exposed to punitive methods of discipline outside of the school, the most effective method of discipline is punishment for our children. If children are being yelled at, spanked, disrespected and disregarded both at home and school, when and where will they learn that they are valued, respected and important? When and where will they have models to show them how to handle frustration, anger and impulses when the adults in their lives model reactive techniques of coping?
As educators, we do not have control over what occurs outside of the classroom, and with many of the policies in place we have little control over some aspects of what occurs inside of the classroom. However, we do have control over the most important aspect of what occurs in our classrooms, and that is the relationships that we build with our students. Ensuring that children are academically prepared is very important. However, nothing is as important as the social/emotional development of children because that is the foundation upon which all successes are built. When we show our children that they are important, that they have a voice and that they matter, we open the doors for endless possibilities. Discipline methods in the Black community have a long, painful history and positive change does not happen overnight, but we all can do our parts to make the world a better place, starting with one child at a time. Below are just a few practices that we can incorporate to begin making changes regarding our disciplinary practices.
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Smile at your students.
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Acknowledge the good that they do.
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Give allowances for age-appropriate behavior.
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Give children choices.
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When you feel yourself losing control and becoming angry, step away from the situation. You don’t want your temporary emotion to leave a permanent emotional scar on a developing mind, soul, spirit and self-esteem.
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Don’t speak negatively about the children, especially in their presence. Simply know when to be quiet.
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Allow children to feel. Don’t place a value on their feelings. If a child is feeling sad, angry or scared, just acknowledge it and help them work through it. Show them socially appropriate techniques to cope.
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Listen to their words and pay attention to their actions.
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Model your expectations. The most ironic thing is to hear a teacher yelling at her student for “being mean” or “rude” to their peers. Children typically do not do as you say; they often do as you do.
Veronica K. Thompson, a certified preschool special and general education teacher, and a school administrator trained in applied behavior analysis.
