Happy Mother’s Day to all of the folks who identify as a mom, grandmom, auntie, big sister, stepmom, bonus mom, adopted mom, play mom—you name it. Honestly, for me, May 12 is a day for me to celebrate all of the women in my life who have nurtured, encouraged, and pushed me to do more and be better; those who let me just sit at their knee and listen and learn; and to all of those women who just let me be myself.
My mother, Gloria Greer, has been my steadfast supporter in every journey I have taken in my life. Even when I deviated from the best path, she waited patiently with love for me to use the tools and lessons she instilled in me in order to find my way back to my foundation and value systems. I am also so blessed my mother modeled friendship while I was growing up. Because of this, I am able to cultivate longstanding and meaningful relationships with so many different types of women. Her friends, my “aunties,” were bonus mothers filled with varying personalities, but always filled with an abundance of love and support.
As I age, I am so blessed to have friendships where I am able to be an auntie to so many of my friends’ little ones. I also have friends whose mothers have become bonus moms to me. My beloved “Ms. Linda” passed in January, and I miss her dearly. Her daughter is my dear friend and colleague, Dr. Niambi Carter, who has shared her reflections on motherhood and loss. She has made me think deeply about the role of our mothers in our lives, in that no matter when one loses their mother, it is always too soon. My grandmother passed when my mother was almost a sexagenarian, and she still felt like she wanted and needed more time with someone who knew her and loved her across time and space like no other.
For those who have lost their mothers, Mother’s Day can be a mixed holiday filled with beautiful memories and a profound sense of loss and longing. I am told the pain of losing a mother never fully goes away. For those who struggle during the holidays, do know there are so many people who may want to reach out but do not know exactly how to, for fear of saying the wrong thing. During this holiday season, please let those of us who want to support you be there for you. Let us know what you need and how you need it.
To all of the mothers and those who do mothering for others, collect your flowers and words of appreciation. You truly make the world a much better and safer place for all.
Christina Greer, Ph.D., is an associate professor at Fordham University; author of “Black Ethnics: Race, Immigration, and the Pursuit of the American Dream”; and co-host of the podcast FAQ-NYC and host of The Blackest Questions podcast at TheGrio. She is a 2023-24 Moynihan Public Scholars Fellow at CCNY.