People are always commenting on how busy and hectic my daily schedule can be. I can tell you it is filled every day of the week all the way until the last week of December. I keep a tight schedule, and no matter how hard I try not to have an insane litany of tasks, I always seem to rarely find a day when absolutely nothing is on my calendar.
Lots of people ask me how I stay grounded with it all, and upon reflection, I realize it is my friendships that keep me sane in the midst of it all.
I firmly believe no one is too old to make new friends. I was told years ago that everyone should keep friends in every age group and I adhere to that adage quite firmly. I am in my 40s but I have friends in every age group from folks in their 20s to folks in their 80s.
When I hang out with the “young ones,” I am constantly getting music and makeup recommendations and shortcuts for my phone. And when I am with my older friends, I am the one helping with their smartphones and downloading apps. I also receive a wealth of knowledge and stories about bygone eras that fascinate or stun me, and at other times inspire me to see my friends more clearly as these brave and brilliant beings who have traveled the world and thrived in a way I can only imagine.
Friendship is indeed essential to the soul. As busy as I am, I make time for adult sleepovers or quick vacations where I can properly catch up with friends beyond some of the surface-level conversations that can feel like connection, but can serve as filler and fluff if you don’t make the time to truly check in.
A close friend recently lost her best friend to suicide. It has been heartbreaking to have someone in your inner circle struggling so deeply that you don’t realize they are close to the edge and at the point of no return. Deep connections and check-ins are important for all of us. We must surround ourselves with people who can listen, and in return, they can feel like they too are in a space where they feel heard, loved, and appreciated. As busy as we all are, we must make time for the people who choose us. Friends are not family members who are assigned to us at birth; they are people who make daily decisions to include someone in their innermost thoughts, trials, and triumphs.
I am so thankful for so many different types of adult friendships. Hopefully, you will find time to call or text an old friend today.
Christina Greer, Ph.D., is an associate professor at Fordham University; author of the books “How to Build a Democracy: From Fannie Lou Hamer and Barbara Jordan to Stacey Abrams” and “Black Ethnics: Race, Immigration, and the Pursuit of the American Dream”; and co-host of the podcast FAQ-NYC.
